10 Commandments to be followed on Indian highways

People who have experienced driving on an Indian highway have numerous stories to tell about their harrowing experience. While it has its own charm of roadside dhabas and scenic beauty yet the entire journey is usually fraught with danger. I recall a few of my American friends who were sworn atheists suddenly turning religious during these trips.

I remember a few months back when I travelled to Chennai from Bangalore. Our driver had decided to demonstrate why he was the next Schumacher (or for the younger generation -the next Vettel) by driving at a very high speed. We almost hit a truck and if luck was not on our side that way, this blog would have stopped a few months back. 

At that exact moment, I had thought to myself - there should be a simple set of rules for driving on Indian highways. So here are my 10 Commandments for driving on Indian Highways (albeit a bit delayed)

10. Thou shall use your horn indiscriminately – that is why they are provided. However, horns need to be blasted based on intention. Short horns indicate that you want the person to move (please note: this doesn’t apply to cows). Long Blasts indicate that you are desperate and know one of you will die today. Also, this shall not apply to speed breakers. For some reason, speed breakers are immune to the horn although some people still give it a try.

9. Thou shall not brake – never ever. Braking is treated as a sign of weakness. When in doubt, look at rule on usage of horns

8. Thou shall take evasive actions only at the last minute. For example, if there is a vehicle coming right in front of you, you shall overtake a vehicle and THEN swerve when the incoming vehicle is just about to hit you.  This way, the passengers get a heart attack and still die (thus achieving your purpose) but they can’t blame YOU.

7. Thou shall not use seat belts especially the driver. They serve no purpose. The only belt that is important is the one for your pants so that they don’t fall down.

6. Thou shall not give way to ANYONE unless that vehicle is bigger than your vehicle. This includes anyone especially pedestrians. 

5. Thou shall not follow the lane system. The lane system is purely for cosmetic purposes like the red signal in Hyderabad – meant only as a suggestion.

4. Thou shall forget that there are indicators in your vehicle. Even if you do remember, ensure you turn the left indicator before you make a right turn. If you don’t, there are chances of confusing the driver behind you and causing a major accident

3. Thou shall overtake always – this is compulsory. This is especially required if another vehicle has overtaken you in which case, it is important for you have to have some pride and overtake THAT bugger. Of course, this can involve risks (as in incoming traffic but then what is the use of the horn?) (See rule on horns)

2. Thou shall always keep to the centre of the road – irrespective of the time, speed, size of vehicle and direction of travel. If needed, you can go to the right side of the road (we must follow the Americans) but NEVER move to the left. That is blasphemy and is condemned

1. In case of an accident, the bigger vehicle is ALWAYS to blame irrespective of whose fault it is…When you have an accident (and you are still alive), look at the other vehicle. If it’s bigger than yours, hold the other driver down until a crowd comes and bashes him up. If your vehicle is bigger, then RUN.

I am sure there are few more out there but I had space for only 10 before the interest of my very few readers ran out….