Top 10 signs you have become old

10. The doctors you know never did any tests, gave your colored concotions,they came home and actually cured you!

9. Your knowledge of Hindu Mythology comes from Amar Chitra Katha comics

8. You think Yahoo was the first word of a famous Shammi Kapoor song

7. Your entire knowledge of Western music was Boney M, Abba, Bee Gees and Micheal Jackson!

6. You see ads in paper for consumer goods and realize the discount amount offered was the ACTUAL price at one point of time

5. Your remember the logo of Doordarshan and hum the opening tune since that was the only one you saw and heard every evening

4. You have actually seen AND used a 25 paise coin

3. You have a good knowledge of pig farming and usage of Malathion and Urea having watched Krishi Darshan on Doordarshan

2. What you thought were new songs now come on the radio as "Bhoole Bisre Geet"


and the number one way of making out you have become old is

1. You read the previous 9 reasons and nod at most of them!

Top 10 ways of recognizing you are in management...

10. You start to use words like "paradigm shift", "moving up the value chain"
9. You come on time to the office only when the boss is in town
8. You learn how to use animation in Powerpoint and pivot tables in Excel
7. You start playing golf but still hit it like a cricket bat - old habits die hard
6. You start giving "gyaan" to others on how you handled things
5. You keep a suitcase full of clothes for sudden "offsite brainstorming" sessions
4. You learn how to make everything into a 2x2 or 3x3 matrix
3. You read boring books so you can quote them and make others feel uneducated.
2. You work on weekends because you spent the entire week in meetings doing no work


and the number one you can recognize you are in management is

1. No one wants to sit with you for lunch!!

Top 10 tips for parents

10. Have a computer/internet connection/printer with at least two spare cartridges at home - kids will tell you at 10 pm in the night about a critical school project
9. Dont try to clean up the house - its useless
8. If relatives tell you how beautiful your child looks, dont believe them. They are usually ugly.
7. When the child is smaller, make sure you sterlize the bottles etc in hot water. After a few days, run it under water..after a few more days, just wipe it on your behind. Germs are anyway good for them!
6. They always love other mom's cooking - accept it.
5. Learn the fine art of dividing stuff into two exactly especially cakes etc. This is needed to keep the peace at home
4. Get a room which is sound proof so you can scream when needed. Its important for your own sanity
3. Allow the kids to settle a quarrel among themselves - they will do much better than you
2. When you have one child, you are a parent. When you have two, you are a referee

and the number one tip for parents is

1. The government is right - having two of them is enough! "Bacche do hi acche!"

Top 10 commandments for a successful marriage

10. Thou shalt not notice the zits on the face however ugly they look
9. Thou shalt understand that "having a headache" does not necessarily mean taking out painkillers
8. Thou shalt never praise your wife's friends however good they look and you want to hit on them
7. Thou shall always fall the old adage of "Silence is Golden " as much as possible
6. Thou shalt understand if your kid comes first in class, then it comes from HER side of the family
5. Thou shalt also understand that if your kid gets a complaint from school, it comes from YOUR side of the family
4. Thou shalt understand the statement "My feet are paining" means "I am overworked, you louse and I need a massage so better get that started"
3. Thou shalt know that a "No" can mean Yes, No or Maybe
2. Thou shall always answer the questions "Am I fat? Have I gained weight?" with a emphatic "No!!!!" however untrue it is

and the number 1 commandment

1. Thou shalt know that you should always have the last word in a fight and that is "Sorry"

Happy marriage!

Top 10 things I dislike

10. Sitting between two fat men on a economy class ticket - worse when both have their hands on the arm rest
9. Watching my favorite - VVS Laxman trying to play 20-20 cricket - in which case the S stands for Stupid not Special
8. Spending one hour to find the exact color/shade of the dress you like and find that they dont have it in your size
7. The driver behind you blows the horn and expects that a big traffic jam gets cleared in a jiffy like magic because HE honked. Eeeesh!
6. The guy behind you who honks exactly 0.017 seconds after the light turns green and acts as if you are slow
5. The person in front of you in the supermarket who has either the biggest set of items/credit cards which dont work/items that dont scan/a new clerk at the checkout
4. A boss who comes early when you are late and comes late when you are early
3. Those damn car drivers who dont stop to allow a pedestrian to cross the road even when you show the hand
2. Those damn pedestrians who think they can cross the road just because they show the hand

and the number 1 thing I dislike is closer to home...

1. A wife who seems to know exactly when I am lying!

Top 10 ways of recognizing a Delhiite

10. You claim you never use words like Pepsi-Vepsi or Coke-Shoke, you say that only the stupid-vupid people use it.

9. You have seen at least 6 people pinched in a DTC bus, 3 people who have actually done it - of course, YOU have never ever done it! Seriously :-)

8. You can name drop effortlessly - "mera Poofa ka bhai ke beta ka sagaa mausa ja chachera bhai minster hai". Most of us don't know who a poofa is or chachera means.

7. You know that Delhi is much better than Mumbai in terms of branding - have they ever heard of a Mumbai Public School but Delhi Public School is all over the world!

6. Anyone south of the Vindhyas is a Madrasi.

5. You know when the rick guy asks you "Left ya Right", the correct answer is actually straight.

4. You call all strange men as "Bhaiyya" as a defence mechanism - although it doesn't actually work!

3. You love food - Mumbai might have vada pav, Kolkatta might have kaathi rolls but real food is in Delhi.

2. You know it is better to have 5 nice designer dresses than 10 cheap ones - that's for the rest of the world.

and the number one way of recognizing a Delhi ite is

1. To survive in Delhi, you take all the relatives on one side and 4 letter words on the other side and you cross multiply!!