Top 10 reasons why India lost the second Test match

10. We got confused between Panesar and Harbhajan

9. Two words - Swann song

8. Tendulkar decided not to make more than 8 runs - wants to be called Eightelkar from now on

7. The rules did not allow 13 players - we needed 2 more spinners

6. Good Puja(ra) but bad (Har)bhajan

5. They did not allow us 4 foreign players like IPL games...

4. Ashwin's mystery ball (underarm) was not allowed otherwise we would have won

3. They did not allow two pitches - one for us (dead), one for them (low and slow)

2. We thought Pietersen was still playing for Delhi Daredevils and hence cheered him on
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And the number one reason why India did not win

1. Dhoni wanted turning tracks so we gave him one which turned. tables

Bhagwaan and his SIL(ly) episode -Part 2

The story so far...
Bhagwaan is hated by his sister-in-law(SIL) who is town for a few days. While trying to help his maidservant , who got a shock while operating the vacuum cleaner, he fell into the maidservant's arms and SIL walked in at that time and immediately felt he was being untrue..Now Bhagyawaan (his wife) walks in...Read on...

For a minute, Bhagyawaan was surprised to see SIL towering over Bhagwaan but seeing the expression of her lesser half, she realized something must have happened.

Bhagyawaan: "What is happening?"
Bhagwaan: Ahem..Ahem..shock, vacuum..servant...Err...Mistake
Bhagyawaan: What the hell are you blabbering? Guess the Amarula that you had yesterday has not worn off..
SIL: Bhagwaan fell into the maid's arms and claims it was an accident (she did have a good way of summarizing)
Bhagyawaan: Oh ho..now I get it...let me call my mother and lawyer...

Now Bhagwaan was tense..calling a lawyer was still okay but her mother was on a different level altogether...He realized he now had to call superior powers and went straight to Ganesha and prayed..Usual terms and conditions were discussed - Rs 101/- and coconut-fruits at the temple..

The next day, the sun was shining outside but Bhagwaan's mind had dark clouds with no silver linings. He could hear Bhagyawaan and SIL telling their mother a dramatized version of the incident.

He opened his mails - at least they sounded interesting. Someone called Ogumba had been left a fortune and wanted to share the money with Bhagwaan (how nice this man was...). He just wanted Rs 20,000 to help in the transfer which Bhagwaan promptly did...Some girl called Sonali wanted to make fraanship with him having seen his profile on Facebook. She was just 22 and a model apparently. He immediately wrote back to her (of course correcting her spelling - these kids don't even know how to spell friendship). He then went to Facebook and pressed Like on about 15 posts (especially the ones of women and kittens and some messages with flowers)...

He then heard the door bell ring...Bhagywaan had gone out to meet her lawyer and Bhagwaan and SIL were alone at home. He ignored it hoping the person would go away...But the caller was persistent..he kept ringing the bell. Bhagwaan heard SIL open the door and then heard a loud shriek. He immediately ran out and behold! He saw the most incongruous sight in the world - SIL was in the Dhobi's arms!!! The Dhobi looked as if he was being crushed by SIL's weight....

Bhagwaan: Well..Well...Washing your dirty linen in public, eh? (Bhagwaan had a pathetic sense of humor)
SIL: It was an accident totally...this was not intentional

(The third party in the scene had scampered off realizing that his absence was for the best)

Bhagwaan: That's what I said yesterday and you did not believe me! Pshaw! (and meant it to sting)
SIL: I slipped and fell
Bhagwaan: Likely story...now I need to tell Bhagyawaan about this...I'm sure she will be very interested to know how you fell for a Dhobi...
SIL: Bhagwaan - please - don't do that...I am telling the truth..
Bhagwaan: I wont tell if YOU tell me the truth and I believe it
SIL: Well..I was opening the door and suddenly I saw a mouse run into the house..You know how scared I am of mice..in that fright, I jumped and fell into the dhobi's arms..You have to believe me...

Bhagwaan was about to scoff at this and suddenly remembered his prayer to Ganesha. Of course, the mouse was Ganesha's mount - Mushika..so HE must have sent it to help Bhagwaan...

Bhagwaan: I believe you
SIL: What? You actually do? I am amazed..Thanks for that..Actually, I confess - I knew that your episode yesterday was an accident. I told Bhagyawaan a lie just to get you into trouble. Sorry about that...
Bhagwaan: That's ok as long as you clarify it to her...
SIL: I will do that...

And true to her word, SIL had some words with Bhagyawaan and Bhagwaan was back to his old marital bliss...He did fulfill the conditions to Ganesha..Now he is waiting for Ogumba to send him the share of his vast fortune..Now, THAT, my dear readers..is a whole different story...

Bhagwaan and his SIL(ly) episode -Part 1

It was a typical day at the cafeteria. Everyone was watching IPL although they knew it was getting so boring that even a DLF Maximum (a six for those uninitiated) was treated with a yawn.

Single Idli-Single Vada ( one of the popular patrons): What is with Bhagwaan da? He has such a big grin plastered on his face that you can even put Samir Kochar inside it. Maccha - something is going on...

Paneer-Butter-Masala: "Oye yaar- he  must have got an increment. I don't know how he manages it. Bugger is damn lucky"

Ms. Fresh Carrot Juice (pouting): He is not lucky at all, you know..he is just intelligent. He looks so handsome na with those brown eyes and those curls. Cho Chweet he is!!!!!! Muah!!!!

Paneer-Butter-Masala:"Oye Kudi. I know you like him but don't make such a fuss yaar"

Nimbu Pani Soda: PBM Paaji - you must forgive Bhagwaan. He has been through a harrowing experience but had finally managed to come out. I will tell you the story....

Paneer-Butter-Masala: (suddenly realizing the danger) I need to go. I have to create some new bugs in the code so that the testing team has some work.

Nimbu Pani Soda (holding Paneer-Butter-Masala by the shirt): I can see how interested you are in the story. So let me start from the beginning....

Paneer-Butter-Masala(with a resigned sigh): Okay. I have no choice I guess. Anyway the testing team has enough bugs to check from my last code release...

Nimbu Pani Soda: So this is how it went...
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SIL did not like it him at all..There I go again..start a story somewhere in middle. Now you will wonder who or what is SIL and why does SIL not like? This is my habit..Let me start from the beginning. Stop me if you know this already. Bhagwaan is  a middle aged IT professional trying desperately to keep his sanity with both Bhagyawaan (his wife of 15 years) He has two kids - Badu (his son of 12 going on 10) and Chotti (his daughter of 7 going on 17).  There - we got all of that straightened out.

It all started when Bhagwaan's sister-in-law came to town. She is the HR manager of a large organization and always seems to be appraising people. Guess its a force of habit. One of the things about HR people is that people never seem to know what they actually do but are usually disliked. One never knows why - some of the best people are in HR but then that's not their fault..But here again I digress...So this sister-in-law (aka SIL) was in town and Bhagwaan was on tenterhooks...SIL always felt that her  younger sister (Bhagyawaan in case you were sleeping) married beneath her. She makes this feeling very obvious also. You know about evil Catbert (from the Dilbert series)? You do?!! Good - then SIL made Catbert look like a saint...

It was 13th of the month (Friday actually) which should have given Bhagwaan an idea. He came back home and saw SIL on the sofa. I don't know if I have told you but this SIL is on the plump side (well fat actually but then one has to be politically correct). The arm rests of the sofa looked like her extensions - in fact she fitted into so snugly it looked as if the sofa was built around her...In fact, Bhagwaan had seen a pic of her once and it read "Left to Right - SIL"

SIL : So you have come....!!!
Bhagwaan: (nervously) Yes
SIL: Hmmmm..how come you so are late?
Bhagwaan: Errrr...Office work - year end appraisals..lots of work..
SIL: Hmmmm..!
Bhagwaan quickly slipped off and went to his room

The next day, being a Saturday, he woke up late and was walking into the living room where SIL was sitting and working..
Bhagwaan: Good morning!! (one has to be civil after all)
SIL: Maybe for you but not for this guy whom I am putting together a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP)..guy cannot come out of it!! Hahaha!

SIL walked away to another room to complete her job....

That's when IT happened! The maid servant walked in to sweep the room..now the modern servant is different from the broom sweeping Gangu Tai type (or Kanta Behn if you prefer)..she has her schedule outline in Excel, has the latest IPhone and doesn't work unless you have a LED TV and a washing machine at home..Given that background, she only uses the vacuum cleaner to clean perfunctorily..She was cleaning the room when the inevitable happened - she got a electric shock...Bhagwaan noticed it and quickly jumped to her rescue (i mean who wouldn't!!!) and realized it was a big mistake..he was apparently a good conductor himself....he also got the shock and fell into the maid servant's arms..

This went off for some time until Badu walked in, analyzed it well, took a stick, removed the offending wire with a stick and coolly walked away. Bhagwaan was still in maid servant's arms and did not move..Some uncharitable people might say that was deliberate but who knows...That's when SIL walked back in and saw THE scene (Keen ad watchers might recall that this scene was copied in a ad later with the tag line "Shock laga")

SIL: Haha!! When my sister is away , you fall into the maid servant's arms! Let her hear about it
Bhagwaan: It was an accident, she got a shock and me too..luckily Badu helped us out by plugging out the wire with a stick...
SIL: Come on! You are telling me that a 12 year old had the sense of mind but not you..likely story!! I always knew you were a player - now I know you have fallen down so low..

Now SIL was towering over Bhagwaan and THAT'S when Bhagyawaan walked in....

Will Bhagwaan be able to save himself? More in the next post...watch this space!