Top 10 Characters you meet on flights

Sometime back, I was in God's Own Country - Kerala for an off site strategy session and had the pleasure of staying in two different resorts. What struck me was the recurring theme in both resorts. While I had gone there thinking of sampling the local cuisine - appams etc. but actually found that the menu offered Paneer Butter Masala and Bhindi Do Pyaaza! Why will a place with such great cuisine make it so banal!! But then I digress - this blog was not about cuisine but something which happened at the airport.

Trivandrum airport (at least the domestic one) reminded me of the old Hyderabad and Bangalore ones - the ones with the yellow board and black letters. The smoking room (as I understand) had space for 3 people only and they were blowing at each other's faces. The kind of airport they used to show in old movies - the hero coming down from the plane wearing a shiny black suit and dark glasses (since he was "phoren returned"). The heroine standing 10 feet away from him waving out - also wearing dark glasses with her hair in a buff at the top - bouffant I think they call it.

 As I looked around, I saw people in suits and nice Kanjeevaram sarees and realized that’s how people normally dressed when they flew in a plane maybe 10 years back. In an earlier article, I had written about typical characters you meet on trains. (The post incidentally was appreciated by all my 7 readers – 4 of whom I had to bribe). I realized that air travel has also changed now - we see a few such "characters". Here are my Top 10 that I that have observed

1.  The "Been There So Many Times" Traveller

This is the person who gives everyone a supercilious look while he gets into the aircraft. You can recognize him by his first act - he presses the button to call the attendant as soon as he sits down and asks for water. The harried girl is trying to get the rest of the passengers to sit down and promises to be get it in a few minutes. She does manage it with a smile. Immediately he asks for a newspaper. She digs out "The Hindu" to be promptly asked for "The Economic Times". In short, this guy is the pain in a part of the anatomy that I can’t mention... Best answer to him is the air hostess from Air India.That Aunty won’t even give him the time of the day! He is also the first one to switch on his mobile as soon as the plane lands!

2.  The First Timer

This one is easily recognized - he is the one who desperately tries to look suave but actually appears gauche...He keenly observes the previous type of traveller to pick up some ideas. A close cousin is the one who calls on his cell phone to relatives talking about his flight even as we are on the runaway.

3.  The Family of Four

This is the family to watch out for - the dad who has been on it before and shows off to his wife and kids. The wife - all decked up - and trying to shush the kids all the time. The kids wearing bright clothes and basically have a great time. They can easily be recognized by the kids who keep pulling the air hostess's dress asking for chips and sandwiches from "Aunty".

4.  The Space Squatter

This is person who is keen on introducing his elbows to your ribs. He sits comfortably in his chair making sure that he gets full value for his seat irrespective of who sits beside him. Both his arms will be on the handles so basically you need to keep one of your hands hanging in the air.God forbid if you are a woman who is squashed in between two of this species!!

5.  The "Everything tastes well in the air" newbie

This is someone we all recognize - since we were one at some point of time. This is the person who basically takes away the things kept in front of him - water bottles, sugar, sauce and even salt and pepper. In fact, one of the more radical ones in this clan is the person who basically wraps up the entire food in the cloth napkin provided and stuffs into his bag.

6.  The "Conference Caucus"

This is the group of office executives who are travelling together for a conference. Easily recognized - they keep moving up and down the aisle, talking loudly about their latest "wins" and how they fooled their customers. This is the group which will soon start playing "Antakshari" on the plane.

7. The "Hindustan Leaver"

Our very own NRI. He is the one who is coming back after a few years and has this fake accent and a very righteous attitude to corruption. Still believes prices were as low as when he left. Usually, ends all sentences with “you know” (To be fair, I was in this category some time back).

  

8. The "Harried Housewife"

Mostly found on international flights, this is the hassled lady with two rambunctious and noisy kids who keep running here and there...She is the one who mostly probably is the one who needs a doctor on board. Her husband is smart enough to have decided to travel later - alone!

9. The "Flight Flirter"

This person is the one who thinks everything is included in his ticket including the air hostess. Usually found preferring the aisle seat and slouching towards the aisle (for obvious reasons)

10. The "Lost in their World" latecomers

This group is the most universally disliked set of people. They are the ones who ignore repeated calls to board the flight and hence delay everyone. They are even more disliked when they have the window seat and hence everyone in the row has to come out so that they can get in…

I am sure there are other types of people whom you have noticed...Do add more as you have seen on your travails.. I mean travels!!